An Actually Nice Time at The DMV

"PatBateman" (PatBateman)
05/14/2015 at 00:31 • Filed to: Insanity

We all cringe at the thought of going down to the DMV to get something done. Long lines. Annoyed citizens. Insufferable and irritated state employees. But what if I told you that the Texas DMV exists in an alternate universe where NONE of these things happen?

No, I haven’t been drinking. And yes, Doug DeMuro: !!!error: Indecipherable SUB-paragraph formatting!!!

!!! UNKNOWN CONTENT TYPE !!!

It’s been twelve years since I’ve had to walk into the Texas Department of Public Safety’s DMV offices. Just before I was to be married in 2003, and on a break from my job in the Texas Senate, I got my picture and a fresh DL. Since then, online renewals have been available for me to use. Why walk into the seventh circle of hell if you don’t need to, amirite?

Apparently, the state has decided that people must re-qualify their eyes and take new pictures that remind them that they have indeed gotten older every dozen years or so, the bastards. So I mentally prepare myself today after lunch and look up the closest DMV office. But what’s this on their website?!

That’s right, ladies and gents. You can get in line ON LINE!! Away from the sweat-drenched masses grumbling angrily! OH HAPPY DAY! The button gets clicked, I fill out some rudimentary information, including my cell phone number, and BLAMMO I get a text message saying that I will be helped in three hours two days eight weeks SIXTEEN MINUTES!! Gotta hurry over!!

Upon arriving at the location at a strip mall in a far out suburb of Houston, one thing that cannot be ignored is that, while there were MANY cars in the parking lot, the DMV’s office was quite large. There are no lines to stand in, but instead two waiting areas outside of about 40 well-placed cubicles with seats (no counters) with employees in about two-thirds of them. Large flat screen monitors display the last four digits of phone numbers, their places in line, and expected wait times. Am I at the right place?

My number is called by a pleasantly soothing female voice over the PA and am instructed to go to cubicle 21. Waiting there for me is an equally pleasantly soothing woman who greets me with a smile, takes my paperwork, and wishes me an early happy birthday. Eye test: done after 45 seconds. Picture: done after 70 seconds. Leaving with a temporary license and a “have a great day” farewell: 120 seconds. It took me less than ten minutes from walk-in to walk-out in a 3/4 full DMV. At this point, I’m wondering if I had entered the twilight zone during lunch.

The Texas DMV has become not only a model of efficiency, but has transformed how people should think about government/citizen interactions. Are there quirks and not-so-smooth transactions? Of course there are, as it’s inevitable. But for something as simple as renewing your DL, you’re not stuck waiting behind some ass munch who is trying to title a 25 year old car with paperwork written in Japanese.

DISCUSSION (6)

TheHondaBro > PatBateman
05/14/2015 at 00:43

Northern Californian DMVs are the bomb.

Racescort666 > PatBateman
05/14/2015 at 00:45

I “officially moved” to Illinois recently. (My Michigan license expired and I don’t think my buddy wants my stuff showing up at his house anymore). Every time I go to the DMV I try to be as friendly and personable as possible. Everyone there is just trying to do their job and deals with idiots with 25 year old cars with paperwork in Japanese all day, the least I can do is try to make everyone’s lives a little less miserable.

For Sweden > PatBateman
05/14/2015 at 00:49

But Texas is evil and rethuglican

Blunion05 drives a pink S2000 (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) > PatBateman
05/14/2015 at 01:02

Yeah, these changes are pretty nice, but more than that, important.

The hot weather is not nice to the folks who gets caught out in the line outside. That can quickly turn into a bad situation.

The Real Dacia Sandero > PatBateman
05/14/2015 at 01:06

All my personal DMV visits have been very pleasant. I’ve been there like 6 times across 2 states(FL and VA). I’ve had to wait a bit a couple times, but that was just due to them being busy. Being absolutely prepared and having the slightest shred of patience and understanding helps the endeavor.

Now, I have a few friends who have been royally fucked by the DMV with a rusty chainsaw. One couple I’m friends with moved and subsequently changed their liscences to their new address. The dmv did it, but didn’t make note of it or something. Later on, they sent a “prove you have insurance” request to their old house, but it got there after their mail had stopped being forwarded. Since they never responded, the DMV suspended their licenses and they had to spend a day in the DMV and pay $800 to get them re-activated even though it was completely the DMV’s fault. They even had the documents with them FROM THE FUCKING DMV stating that they had updated their address.

f86sabre > PatBateman
05/14/2015 at 07:11

I’ve never had an issue with the Georgia DMV or vehicle tax offices. There is a caveat though, I have purposefully avoided the offices in Atlanta. I will find the required office in a direction opposite Atlanta to do my business.

On a related note, I recently got Global Entry through the TSA. Super easy process online and then a very polite, well organized and quick (5 minutes) meeting at the TSA office at the Atlanta airport. I was very pleased with how it went.